Sh!t
I just realised that it’s been a year today.
A year ago today I was hit with some of the hardest news I’ve heard to date. Topped with what had already been a tough year, I wondered what the world was trying to tell me.
This last year… I struggle to describe it.
It has changed me physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, socially, environmentally and intellectually.
WOAH! What a year it’s been!
Physically… well that’s kind of a no-brainer, right! My body is not the same as a year ago! After two surgeries, my left boob is now made up of the skin and fat from my tummy and I have scars that tell the story. Sometimes I feel like Frankenstein!
I went through times of feeling physically strong and then I had times where I felt physically weak. I’ve been continuously learning the new strengths and limitations of my body, which have changed constantly, particularly with the surgeries and my diet changes. I’ve also had to consider the stress I’ve put on my body over the years and make decisions on how much stress is too much stress.
With clothes on, I look much the same. Perhaps sometimes you can tell I’m a few kilo’s lighter. But when I stand naked in front of the mirror, it’s a reminder of the journey I’ve been on over the past 12 months.
Mentally… hmmmm, I can tell you that there were times where I felt like I belonged in an institution. Times where I questioned everything and wondered ‘why me’. At one stage I thought I was about to die. That was it… this is the end… that’s what I thought! Thankfully I was wrong! At times I’ve questioned myself, my ability to fight this, felt bad for my crazy diet and it’s inconvenience to others and I’ve wondered what’s so special about me?
I don’t think the mental battle is anything new. Pre a year ago, I was still battling myself… Am I good enough? Can I do this? What will others think or say? I don’t have a degree, I’m not university qualified. Eeeeek!!!
But during this last year, overall, I’ve become mentally stronger! I look back on all that I’ve achieved over the past year, despite the adversity and I pat myself on the back for a job well done. I made the decision to commit to visionary leadership and to not limit myself nor allow anyone else to steal my dreams. I’m excited for what is ahead of me and I know that my mental toughness is going to help me get through tougher times.
Emotionally… this goes beyond 12 months. In fact, it started in January last year, 7 months earlier. You could say the past 19 months have been an emotional rollercoaster. But that is life, isn’t it? The world is constantly challenging us and it’s up to us how we see it.
This is a choice we make and what I’ve learned in this area is to see the positives in what initially seems like a negative. This in turn becomes gratitude. I often talk about the gratitude I have for the experience because if I look at my growth, I cannot be anything but grateful. Yes, areas of my life are not the same anymore. But there are areas of my life have propelled forward at astronomical rates that I will be forever grateful for.
Financially… can I start by saying, thank goodness for trauma and medical insurance!!! If you don’t have this in place for yourself, can I suggest that you have a chat to a specialist and see if it’s right for you. I am grateful for working at the ASB and having cover in place. Yes, we have a free public healthcare system and I know some incredible people who work in this area, but we also have waiting lists and limitations and I found it so much easier to take care of me, when I wasn’t dealing with those.
Also, I can tell you that this past 12 months has cost us well over $100K… in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was closer to $200K and that does not include the costs involved in my surgeries and doctors appointments… that was all covered in my medical insurance. I know many people who faced financial pressures and loss during their experiences and usually for a number of different reasons. The most common, I have heard, is loss of income from being off work for long periods during treatment and recovery. When I hear these stories I get so mad, especially when it’s hard working people who are trying all they can but are struggling to make ends meet.
For me, mine was about choices, particularly the choice to look at my situation, life and health holistically. My decision to travel to Mexico and work with holistic doctors. The supplements, remedies and tonics I choose to take. My health routines, the experts I engage with, my mental health and well-being that I invest in. The organic produce that I buy, not only for me, but for my family. Some of you reading this will think that I am NUTS!!! I am ok with that :).
But the positives to my financial situation, is that besides the fact I’ve spent months off work and have decided to only work 2 to 3 days a week, I am creating greater incomes than ever before and adding more value than when I was working 5 days a week. My business still continues to grow, my staff have become more empowered and my financial situation is better that it was a year ago.
Spiritually… often when people think of spirituality, I think they think of God. For a while, I thought spirituality was God. But now, when I think of spirituality, I think of who I am, I think of my soul.
For me what underlies its all is LOVE. Unconditional love for myself and for others. I’ve invested quite a bit in this area learning to love and appreciate myself, my family, my friends and my foes. I’ve cried through painful memories and I’ve cried with gratitude for those same memories. I believe the world is love and therefore we are love.
Socially… I love to connect with people. I’m that person who will take the opportunities given to me to speak with influential people, have dinner with my girlfriends or coffee with business connections. Over the years I’ve met with many influential people, made friends with some incredibly cool people, created social media groups and contributed to many community groups. While connecting with others is a strength of mine, there were times over the past 12 months when I felt completely out of my depth.
I remember one dinner, the PM was there as well as a number of influential NZ leaders. This was an opportunity for me to speak with the PM about a project that I was working on. It was the first social event I attended after my first surgery. I felt small, out of place and had trouble with conversation. I felt like I’d been out of the game for so long that I was starting all over again. Thanks to an amazing friend and mentor of mine, she included me in conversations and gave me the encouragement I needed to speak with the PM. It turned out to be a successful night, not only because the PM remembered who I was, but also because I got to prove to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. I could feel the fear and do it anyway!
Another area I’ve struggled with socially is the difficulty of my diet. Most restaurants and caterers cannot cater to my needs, so my choices are limited. It makes it difficult going out for dinner, difficult going to other peoples homes for meals or attending special occasions. I’ve sent meals back because they haven’t adhered to my requests, I’ve felt guilty for being such a nuisance and I’ve said no to events because I hadn’t wanted to make a big deal about my diet. The reality is, people are taking more care of what they eat. Dietary requests are becoming more regular and many restaurants want to make their patrons happy and will gladly work around dietary requirements. What I have also found is that my mates and the people who care about me are happy to find places I can eat so we can catch up and know that my choices are what I feel is best for me and for my family. No judgement, just LOVE!
Over the past 12 months I’ve formed the closest of bonds with people who have laughed with me, laughed at me (lol), cried with me, cared for me, supported me and simply loved me. When you can be with friends and just be you, unapologetically… that is magic, that is true friendship and I am so grateful for these special people in my life.
Environmentally… I don’t think my views on our global environment has changed a lot, but when it comes to my home, work and my body, I’ve made some big changes.
I’ve tried to reduce toxicity as much as possible, including removing chemical cleaners, turning the aeroplane mode on my phone on at nights, using a Himalayan salt lamp, getting on top of mould and mildew… to name a few. I have regular daily, weekly and monthly routines that are focused on removing toxins from my body (some you might cringe at lol) to create a healthier internal environment, particularly my gut health. I’ve also changed the products I use on my body, opting for natural products.
You might be quite surprised at the amount of toxicity in our environment. Even the plastic water bottle can contain harmful toxins! My plea to you… please do not reuse those plastic water bottles, especially if it’s been sitting in your car for days! BPA is not your friend… research it!
Intellectually… I’m no Einstein and there are definitely areas I am not knowledged in, at all. But what the past 12 months has taught me is to listen to the recommendations of others and then investigate and make my own decisions. This has increased my knowledge in many areas that I didn’t expect I would in my life time and it’s also empowered me to make decisions that are right for me. It’s given me opportunities to trust my gut instinct and it’s put me in the driver seat of my own health and well-being.
I implore you to do the same, even with suggestions I make… actually, especially with suggestions I make. Take your life into your own hands and make smart decisions for you!
I use to think I needed a degree to be smart and to accomplish what I wanted in life, but the last 12 months have taught me that I don’t need a degree at all. I am a genius in my own right and I will be forever learning and growing.
A lot has happened over the last 12 months. It’s been quite the journey! I am not the same person I was 12 months ago, I’ve leaped forward, further than I would have expected had I not been through such challenge. I’ve shared my story openly and I’ve helped others through their challenges.
Although I have grown through these 12 months, I know there will still be times to come where I am sad, angry or stressed. Where I feel inadequate, a nuisance or have negative thoughts. And I have learned that these are normal and natural as human beings! That during these times is when I need to love myself the most. And because I’ve been able to overcome these challenges in the past, I know that I can overcome them again in the future.
The world is LOVE… you are LOVE… I am LOVE!
Wyn xx
