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Telling people I have Breast Cancer

Two days before my 37th birthday I was told that I have Breast Cancer.

Truth be told, I already had that gut feeling the week earlier when I went for my mammogram.

And if I’m honest again… when I found the lump, I wasn’t exactly ‘not worried’. With a strong history of Breast Cancer in my family, I dreaded even going to find out!

When the news broke I had so many feelings!

Why me????
Was it not bad enough that I’d lost my Koko, my Dad and an adopted daughter already this year? Had I not already been tested enough? Had I not grown enough? Could I not just get a break??? Life and Business was thriving and now I was going to have to put it all on hold while I fix myself. How dare life do this to me!!!! 🤬😠😡😵😭

Fix it mode!!!
Right! OK. It is what it is, I can’t change it, so I just need to get through what I’ve got to get through. Do what I’ve got to do. I’ve been through so much in my life, I can get through this too.🤔💪

Protector mode…
What will the kids say, how will they feel? What will my family say, how will they feel? We’ve all already been through the ringer this year, I don’t want to cause more pain. I won’t tell them till I absolutely need to. The less time they feel pain, the better for them. 😨💔👨‍👩‍👦‍👦

I’m a Burden.
My friends and family have done so much for me already this year. I’ve relied on them so much through my other struggles. I won’t tell them either cos I don’t want to burden them. 😫😵🤐

But… it all came to an end one day when Eli and I realised we had held so much in that we burst and sadly our kids took the brunt of it 😢💔

So we sat them down and told them 🗣️👂

I won’t lie… there were tears 😭😭😭 that broke my heart 💔💔💔

But there was also love 😍💖

and words that our eldest son said to us 🗣️

“We are family, we do things together, you don’t have to do this alone” 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦👩‍❤️‍👨

It made me realise that I was wrong to keep this from them. 😢

That in fact they had grown into incredible young men who were able to be my rock too, as I hope that I am one of theirs.🗻

It made me realise that I needed to tell people!

This year I’d learned and practiced being a Master Asker, even in the most difficult of times… the world was readying me for times like these.

I knew that I needed to ask for help when I needed it and accept help when offered.

I’ve also started to be more ‘present’ in all that I do (well as much as you can with your head spinning with decisions to make).

And I’m grateful… for the life that I have, the people I enjoy it with and the times like these that give me opportunities to learn, grow and help others!

From the bottom of my heart I thank you all!

For your love, your support and for offering help 😘

Let’s kick Cancer in the ass xx

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I ain’t no Super Woman

When I think of Super Woman and Wonder Woman, I think of these strong women, with superhuman powers, who can take on the world single handedly. Who can overcome anything that comes before them and anyone that stands in their way. I see them walking away from the carnage relatively unscathed, with merely a bit of dirt on their cheek… all in a days work.

I use to aspire to be like them. I have even referred to myself as one of them… “Super Woman, at it again”. Others have and still do call me Wonder Woman or Super Woman and I’ve always felt so proud of that.

But what I’ve come to realise is that I am not Super Woman or Wonder Woman. And that by aspiring to be, I’m setting myself up for failure.

When sh!t hits the fan, I don’t come out unscathed. I don’t have magical powers that instantly heal my wounds… but oh damn I wish I did! Because if I did, the healing wouldn’t hurt so much! And something this Breast Cancer and my Dad’s passing has taught me, is that as well as physical healing, I have a whole lot of inner healing to do and it’s not going to be a pretty journey. It won’t come without heart ache and pain. But it is going to be a blessing! I’m going to grow, I’m going to learn, I’m going to be free… and that is far more powerful than any quick fixing superpower!

What I also know, is that I can’t do life on my own. I don’t want to do it on my own. I know it takes a community and certainly at times like these, we need community. But by pretending to be Superhuman, I automatically cut out the possibilities of building that community of people around me. Because my ego tells me “Super Woman never asks for help because that would show she’s vulnerable and she ain’t vulnerable”. So by removing my cape, I give myself full permission to be vulnerable. To be HUMAN. To accept that I don’t know everything… and that is ok! That it’s good to ask for and accept help from others and that other’s can help me on my healing journey.

As a Woman. A Human being. With my own knowledge, willpower and drive but also vulnerability and fear. With the right people in my community, I too can take on the world and I will overcome anything that comes before me. And I will come out the other side scarred and battered, but I will be stronger, I would have lived and learned and I’ll be ready to take on the next challenge that comes my way.

And I hope, that my healing journey helps you with yours.

Aroha mai, aroha atu

Wyn x

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My Journey… My Decisions

Sharing my story is not easy. So much of my story is yet to come. The unknown is scary, especially when we’re talking about the C word.
There are so many people that have reached out to me who have been through BC and never shared their story. I think no matter if you’ve shared your story with others or not, you are brave having battled this dreaded disease.
My journey won’t be the same as anyone elses. While my BC may be similar to others BC, the decisions that I make about how to deal with it are ones that ultimately suit me. Factors that affect that are my lifestyle, my journey, my beliefs, my values, my husband and my children.
This is much the same with anyone that has to make decisions in life.
And there may be times where one may not ever understand the reasoning behind decisions that another has made. But it’s simple. Those decisions are not yours to make. You do not need to understand or agree, but simply accept that the decisions made are their decisions to make.
I read a post recently on a fb page that I follow and the lady was talking about how her friend was dying from cancer and that she couldn’t help her. Her BC had spread to her bones. She knew that here were holistic ways of fighting cancer, but her friend didn’t want to hear about them. So much so that the friend ultimately ended their friendship.
This woman couldn’t understand how her friend could accept her fate like that. In fact so many comments on the post showed that many people didn’t understand. I realised I had been in a similar situation when my Dad was diagnosed earlier this year with Liver Cancer.
So I decided to share my thoughts, my comment merely stated… “I feel for you. In the end, it’s her decision. Help her to enjoy what time she has left. Create great memories. Be there for her. Know that this is her journey, not yours. Her decisions are not yours to make, find your own peace. Sending blessings your way x.”
When my Dad was diagnosed I decided nothing was going to stop me from making memories and spending as much time with him as possible. I dropped almost everything. It was tough. And he made decisions about his health that I was proud of him for trying and ones that absolutely infuriated me. But he taught me that I can’t control everything or everyone. And that another’s journey, is not my own.
I hope by sharing my journey I help others to heal, to educate or even to resonate.
This is my journey…
These are my decisions…
I hope it helps xx
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My Breast Cancer Journey

Welcome to my new journey… Breast Cancer.

If you just went WTF… join the club. That was pretty much my reaction too 😫

Some may wonder why I’m sharing my story so openly, and that’s ok to ask 🤔

I figure if I can help one person through either their own or someone else’s Breast Cancer journey, then it was worth it. If one person makes a change or changes in their lives, then I’ll be happy. If by sharing my journey I inspire, motivate, empower someone then my own Breast Cancer journey would have created good in the world.

On this journey I will make many self discoveries… in fact I already have. I hope to share these with you.

If this isn’t a journey you wish to listen to, watch or journey with me, then kei te pai! Please feel free to unfollow me… I won’t be upset.

You might want to send me love… I would love that.

You might want to give me advice… Can I ask that you simply put a sentence in the comments on what you’d like to give me advice on and if I require that info, I’ll ask you.

I have caught this early… I’m lucky! Breast Cancer is survivable and I will absolutely kick this Breast Cancer in its ass!

No feeling sorry for me! I have a good mindset, great people in my corner and a family that loves and supports me 100%.

Xx

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